
BADOO & TOYAN - Rocking of the 5,000 (12" version)



Bombs at Iftar in Islamabads. Kaafir haraamzaadaa, I'm told. Diners soon after dates have broken the fast. Marriott mayhem, fitnah, the metal logo on fire. Listening to Muslimgauze after 9/11. Fortune brought me to desert rest-stop called Shackleton in Ramadan time and Soundboy's Suicide Note. The Skull Disco music is just broken news, what was that they said, rumours, whispers of a plot, paranoid glitches and distant explosions, CCTV res frustrations and jihadi crash videos. Tuning in then tuning out and in again. Not quite sure if they should play at 33 and a third or 45. Where were you in 92? Never mind the haunting of rave and exhuming Burial mounds and Enya deep Ing-folk dead music. For Shackleton, It Dreadistan inna Inglan. Travelling travelling travelling to Ethiopia Nyabingi as Debra Keese and the Black Five with the interference of Flying Lotus. On 'Shortwave' it's panicking voices after the blast yammering in another tongue. By the time Pole arrives we are in the shrinking hours between iftar and sehri. Though the scene is still burning, it has been cleaned up, cordoned off and Pole has stripped away the cries to leave the bass line rattling the metal of that army vehicle.
Given free will but within certain limitations,
I cannot will myself to limitless mutations,
I cannot know what I would be if I were not me,
I can only guess me.
So when I say that I know me, how can I know that?
What kind of spider understands arachnophobia?
I have my senses and my sense of having senses.
Do I guide them? Or they me?
The weight of dust exceeds the weight of settled objects.
What can it mean, such gravity without a centre?
Is there freedom to un-be?
Is there freedom from will-to-be?
Sheer momentum makes us act this way or that way.
We just invent or just assume a motivation.
I would disperse, be disconnected. Is this possible?
What are soldiers without a foe?
Be in the air, but not be air, be in the no air.
Be on the loose, neither compacted nor suspended.
Neither born nor left to die.
Had I been free, I could have chosen not to be me.
Demented forces push me madly round a treadmill.
Demented forces push me madly round a treadmill.
Let me off please, I am so tired.
Let me off please, I am so very tired.






I thought it would slip into the mist of my academic amnesia like a hundred other jargon-l(e)aden talks I've sat through over the years. I didn't expect it to bug me so much. But a seminar paper about mimesis, counter-mimesis and war has really bothered me for days afterwards. I'm not sure if it was the writer-presenter's fault or success. I'm sure I misunderstood since I don't really 'get' the Lacanian lingo and the Zizek cult. So I'm not slagging off the scholarship. There were some useful resources on the military-industrial-media-entertainment network. I can deal with Slavoj's columns and repetitive academic prose in small doses but I can't fully fathom it and, to be honest, can't be arsed to work out how psychoanalysis apparently tells us everything. It bothers me that it's a secular religion for some graduate students. On the day after the fifth anniversary of the Iraq war to end an hour's talk with a powerpoint image of the George Bush action figure, and say that this is what the war is about - the 'fantasy' that veils the 'real' - was dismaying. I guess that was the provocation of the paper - the whole point was the hollowness of the war behind the semiotic overdrive. This little action man, twelve inches high, that was it. But it made me queasy. In any case the juxtaposition of this kind of mimesis with Hamas children's TV propaganda and its anti-semitism seemed an unconvincing ideological symmetry for the sake of the argument. Bush and Hamas are not equal and opposite reactions. The Q & A session following the seminar paper descended into a litany of obvious grandstanding points about US foreign policy (the kind you'd make in a pub after a few pints) and ended with simplistic anti-Americanism when others in attendance added that the USA has, unlike Europe, 'no alternative political imaginary'. Euro-, or rather, Brit smugness makes you just want to sing the praises of the home of the brave on the one hand and big up the anti Brit insurgencies on the other. Gobsmacked, I wish I'd said something like: What about the mimetic foreign policy of the UK in Iraq and Afghanistan? I like a smattering of semiotic irony and culture jamming meself, but I'm glad I research, write and teach about an 'insignificant thing' like popular music when war academia is an excuse to test out your continental theory toys on blood for oil. For language games, I'd rather read this sort of stuff. And then Theory goes to war Strike 1. Or Theory goes to war Strike 2. No symmetry though. Sometimes I wish I was a librarian instead.
Matthew's dad died a few days ago. He had cancer. His ashes will be buried in England in the family plot. I never met him but Matthew talked about him a few times. He was a botanist and taught at the University of Otago.
Another of my travelogue playlists, listening assembled in India during January. Happened to be in Rajasthan for a few days of transit but haven't seen The Darjeeling Limited yet, some of which was shot there. Did buy the soundtrack at Crossword in Ahmedabad. It's an odd mix of fragments from Satyajit Ray and Merchant-Ivory films with some folksy rock from Europe and the US. The Kinks' opener suggests all the promise and possibilities of taking a trip. A bit of anxiety about contact zones and travel fatigue suffuses some of the other tunes. As usual most of the songs here are from the blogosphere. And as ever, I'm trying to seek sonic as well as thematic affinities.

